NEPAL

NAGARKOT, NEPAL

As I left Kathmandu this am the excitement of Daisan was in the air. Women in colorful red dresses lined the streets, everyone carrying, selling, leading, or searching for chickens, goats, and ducks to be used in the Sacrafice. Nepal is approximately 60 percent Hindu and 40 % Buddhist. Buddhist’s also celebrate Daisan but they do not sacrifice animals. The Hindu’s believe that you have to offer the sacrifice to keep the many gods happy. There are many gods in the Hindu religion and a few animals are sacred – such as the cow, monkey, and dog. The goat is stupid so by offering it as a sacrifice you ward off the god that makes you do stupid things. The chicken is dirty and the duck is greed and temptation. The buffalo signifies anger and many temples are adorned with horns from the not so lucky angry buffalo.

Nagarkot, Nepal
I arrived this morning to a very small and remote mountain town – located about 1.5 hours from the hustle and bustle of Kathmandu. I also witnessed my first animal sacrifice – the killing of a goat. It was a gruesome sight but a necessary one as this is the very first day of Daisan – the most important festival of the year for Nepal and for Hindu's the world over. After arriving to the very top of a mountain that contained switch back after switchback I dropped my bags and set out on foot. Nagarkot is not widely known – white people count today – 7. I trekked all morning – covering a good 10 km before noon. Then I noticed a beautiful pagoda temple at the top of a very steep hip. I saw the steps and the mountain air and sunshine were calling my name so up a I went. I was greeted at the top by a warm and welcoming – NAMASTE! The Nepalese / Hindu greeting for hello. A very nice Hindu family was applying the ceremoniously red paste (TIKA) to everyone’s forehead – this is called ‘Pucha’. Everyone must have a red dot to show their faithfulness, devotion, and receive the good luck of the gods. The father of the family had in his hand a large knife. He looks at me and smiles – ‘you want to watch sacrifice?’ The family turns to me in anticipation.. their big brown eyes wide and their lips parting – showing beautiful and curious smiles…ok… what is the white boy going to say? They wait…

I oblige – and the ritual begins. Washing of the hands, ringing a bell, saying a prayer, and then slitting the throat of the wrangling goat. The blood gushes from its severed artery, covering the temple floor in a pool of warm red life rich blood. The river of life begins it’s journey towards an eventual demise, over the concrete, down the steps, and into the dirt below. The goat tries to make a sound… to get away… he cannot. You can see the fear in his eyes – he knows his fate. The goat wretches in pain and fright, hours seem to pass… and the lifeless body finally stops moving. One last twitch and it is over. I watch the family, they watch me, we all watch the goat. The father seems satisfied and although the expression is one of mercy, gratitude, and solemn – it is evident that this life. In order for one to live – another must die. The gods have sacrificed for the Hindu’s – now it is payback time. It is nature, natural selection, the work of the gods. This life is also dinner as the father begins skinning the goat and prepares the body for butchering.
I will never forget the sights, sounds, or smells of the hour that I spent with this family at the top of this mountainside temple. I witnessed death. I thought life. I learned and experienced.

I have never seen an animal die like this. And I am not sure what to think. I love all and accept all – free of bias and of opinion. There is an expression on Wall St – “it is what it is”. Nothing seems more fitting as I scribe these words….

The Hindu belief about death and cremation is an interesting one. Yesterday, while in Kathmandu; I witnessed my first cremation. I have heard that India has funeral pyres along the river banks – but was told it was 30 years ago. Apparently Nepal does as well and they are active 24 hours a day – 7 days per week. Along a beautiful river bank – lined with temples, holy men, and lush green mountain sides the cremation fires burn fast, furious, and often. Hindus are required to cremate the body of loved ones within 24 hours. Cremation is the ultimate sacrifice and the way in which reincarnation begins. It is holy, it is symbolic, and a 3-4 hour event. As I walk though the gates, one of the most holy temples in Nepal rises before me. Built in the 5th century – the gold pagoda gleams underneath a gray sky threatening rain.

I turn the corner, walk through a gate and see a holy man dressed in an elaborate red outfit. His pitch fork in hand – he is tending a small fire surround by statues. His look is one of respect and seriousness. Below him along the river banks are several raised platforms – tended by priests wearing white dress. White is the color of mourning. Across the river banks, myriad concrete steps fall into the brown water. Spectators line the banks… I peer over the railing and below me I witness a raging fire and 2 young men watching the fire burn. One has a completely shaved head – he is crouched down - silently weeping – his face in his hands, and his naked body exposed to the elements. One priest pokes at the fire with a long bamboo reed – another priest is in the process of shaving the older boys head. Hindus must watch the cremation of their mother or father. They must mourn for one year and wear white for one year. It is also tradition to shave the head of the sons and for the sons to lock themselves away from any contact for one week following the death. As the fire burns you can make out the body covered with straw. The torso, the legs, and the arms folded over the midsection. I watch in silence – and in honor.

And then I see more priests - carrying a new body. A young man. 2 males follow. The place the body on the funeral pyre. Put water into the mounth - one final drink. The bless the body and they pray. The body is then ceremoniously covered and sticks and straw are placed on top. With one flick of the match a new life cycle begins.

Nepal has been a plethora of experience and emotion. People have nothing yet they have everything. Their smiles illuminate the beautiful Himalayan Landscape and their experiences reflect the harsh reality of a country in which lies a striking dichotomy between man and nature. The Himalaya’s are home to some of the most striking and serene scenery on earth. They are powerful, beautiful and they provide the agriculture that supports the work of more than 50 % of the Nepalese population. They are also covered in clouds and their beauty often remains a mystery. Nepal thrives on tourism and many of its inhabitants survive on less than 150 rupees a day – this is the average wage of Nepalese friend – that is if he or she is in the lucky 50 % who actually have a job. 150 rupees is about $1.50. The cost of my expensive western hotel with a private bathroom and the most amazing view in the world is an outrageous $25 per night. Gas is about $4 a gallon here.

Many of the mountain towns have nothing… very few have phones – absolutely no internet or television – and the power and water is cut from 6-10 pm nightly. I am writing this on my on my final charge from my computer batter – my room alight from a small wax candle. Running water or an indoor toilet is a luxury that many cannot afford. You see people defecate, bathe, and drink from the same river only meters apart. Sure.. there is usually a town well – where many of the women go for water and carry it back home in jugs but even this water is not always clean My hotel had no hot water. When I went to inquire why my room has no power and water – I walked into the reception and noticed my host – sitting there in the dark – his face alight by the same was candle as mine. I smiled, he smiled – he knew and I knew. No words were necessary. I felt embarrassed that I would ask – I should know better. But of course I had never been to Nepal – so I didn’t. And many people across the world never will.
How can a country with so much to offer have so little? The government. It is corrupt. If you kill someone you buy your way out of it. I read an article in the paper today that a pocher was caught with 20 – yes 20 – horns from the endangered Rhinoceros. He paid 100,000 rupee fine - $1400 and he was free. The reason that the article was in the paper – is because he was arrested again – for poaching!!! Money is power – and when you have no money you are left with only yourself. The Hindu belief is you come to this world naked and you leave this world naked. You cannot take anything with you so in reality you life your life for only you – your memories – your experiences – and the faith in your god. How pure is this!!!
Can you say that you live your life the way that you REALLY want to live it? Without regret? Without circumstance? Without the wants and needs that are truly expendable? Nepalese people do not dream of success or bigger houses or nicer cars. They dream about humanity, survival, family, religion and the simple pleasures such as friendship, mattering, and a small cup of Masala tea. About the only thing that I truly have faith in are my best friends and that I will absolutely have to pay taxes. I would love to believe that the world or the stock market will take care of itself… we all know that is not the case.
I think it is important, for a moment; to talk about awareness. Awareness is the first skill they teach you in both business and psychology. It is a skill that everyone has but one that far to many of us fail to hone in on. Lack of awareness and apathy exacerbate the world’s problems and solutions. No need to go on a diatribe here about what lack of awareness has done to our economy, our energy prices, our carbon footprint, the greenhouse effect… - Need I say more. I can continue on for days. Awareness is overcoming apathy – it is having a voice – it is sharing what you know – and having discussions about what you do not know. It is taking stand and ‘going for it’. If you look at many successful people in the world – business leaders, conservationists, and thriving organizations – each of their causes begin and end with awareness and them having the balls to take a chance, make a stand, and never give up.

I explored Nagakot most of the day – walking every trail. I made friends with 2 shop keepers who were just awesome people. I enjoyed by coconut candy bar and washed it down with a concoction of orange and pineapple juice. We took pictures together, discussed Nepal culture and like each afternoon I have been in Nepal the rain clouds started to roll in as the sky went from a perfect blue, to a threatening gray, to finally an angry black. I had better head home. As I exited the shop to head back to Hotel Besso I came upon one of the only white people I had seen all day. I greeted her – Hello, Namaste – she greeted me in a very European Hello and a perfect and sing songy ‘Namaste’. What’s this… English??? Nepalese???
I met Anna late in the afternoon just before the clouds were ready to break. What a remarkable person. She is 32 years old, beautiful, married (she has been known her husband 11 years) and was in much the same place as I. She had a calling… She had a passion to travel the world and make a difference. She is a nurse in Switzerland and decided to come to Nepal and volunteer her time for 6 months. When she arrived her entire medical program turned out not to be what she thought it would be so she was stuck. She now lives with the President of the Tuberculosis society of Nepal. Nepal has a huge problem with TB and many die from the disease. She too is traveling alone and after swapping stories about relationships, life, loneliness, the rain forced our friendship to an abrupt end. It is weird – but travelers always find a way to connect. We decided to meet for dinner – (much better than dining alone and crying in your beer) and feasted on Chicken and Fish Tikka. By Ten O’clock the Japanese tourists had finished their meals and retired to their rooms and the waiters were waiting on us. We said our goodbye’s, exchanged emails and promised to keep in touch.
I woke the next morning at 5 am – to a beautiful rainy morning with sweeping views of the Himalayas. Hotel Besso sits at the end of a dirt road and falls into a beautiful serene canyon hundreds of meters below. As I hiked to the top of the mountain in the morning fog and light rain – I could see the first rays of light sneaking over the towering Himalayan peaks. And suddenly the sky was alight with musty blue, then orange, then violet. The peaks were covered in clouds and just and I thought – all this for nothing – I realized it was about the experience. It is about patience and wanting – not receiving. Nature decides if and when it will share. The mountains – where I thought no mountain could ever exists – thrust through the top of the clouds just after 8 am. The Himalayas have numerous mountains greater than 8,000 m or 24,000 feet high. Shrouded in a beautiful mix of ice and show – they reach towards the heavens.
By 9 am – my driver had arrived for my flight to Chitwan – the nature and ecological part about 250 km south of Kathmandu. On the way down from Nagakot – Daisan was in full swing. Goats and chicken – their heads severed from their bodies – lie in front of many houses, the family doing the tedious work of skinning the hide or butchering the animal for a feast that evening. Through switchback after switchback we descended back into Kathmandu towards the airport.
Ironically – the domestic terminal is quite different than the international terminal! I walked into the terminal and it was chaos… hundreds of people every people - two tv monitors and baggage strewn about. My ticket said YETI airlines at 12 pm. It was 10:30 and my flight was not on the monitor. I asked about my flight and was told 2 pm. No problem – I will grab a beer – wait – hang out. I passed through security which consisted of a guy behind a curtain. This guy takes me behind the curtain – looks at me – and waves me though. No pat down – no looking through my bag – definitely no metal detector . And unfortunately – no beer. No explanation of why my flight was delayed – it never showed up on the monitor until 3:00 pm. Every so often you have an airline employee who comes to the end of the terminal and yells something in Nepali and then hoards of people scurry to the only door and head out to the runway. At 3:15 I did the same. My airplane finally showed up about 3:30 – it was old, rusty, falling apart – but we boarded – and after receiving cotton balls to put in my ears and a yummy piece of candy – one propeller – then the other came to a life and off we went – up, up and away to the jungle.
We arrived about 45 minutes later – I made friends with a Nepal guy on the plane – he owns a guest house in Kathmandu – I am going to stay with him when I get back from my jungle excursion.
The jungle is primitive. Inside of mopeds everywhere – it is mostly bikes and foot traffic. The roads are very very bad. I would estimate that more than 70 % of the roads in Nepal are in need of desperate repair – and many places there is simply packed down dirt and rocks – that make for a jarring bumpy ride – but that only enhances your experience. Livestock roam the street with sacred cows almost everywhere. Chickens scurry about and ducks and goats stand in the road – daring you to hit them. Women wash cloths by hand and tend the fire – men watch and chop wood. Kids play cards. In Kathmandu – many kids would fly kites (about 5 rupees to buy). They get you pretty good on the string though – about 150-200 rupees. In Chitwa – no kites. Not much of anything except nature.
There are more than 500 species of birds here. They sang to me all night! I awoke at 6 am for breakfast and by 7 am I was in a canoe floating down a lazy river – awash with mud from the recent monsoons. As we step into a canoe – I glance over and crocodile and I exchange glances. I look down at my hollowed out tree trunk and decide it is the best alternative. Although a bit wobbly we make it down the river. Passing 2 more crocodiles and some beautiful birds. Just as we finish we spot a beautiful Rhino – having a morning drink along the river bank. I get my camera out just in time to get a few shots before he scurries away. After we dock the canoe – our guides take us off into the bush - we wade through the grass – more than most at least 2 m in height. We think about following our rhino but as we dart off into the unforeseen and unknown native grasses – we hear a huge commotion. Grunts, squeals, and clouds the sound of two Rhino’s fighting less than 50 meters away. We decide that a safer option may be a forest walk. I dunno – plants and trees – maybe some monkeys and flowers…. Yeah – definitely safer than a few tons of aggression with a deadly horn.
The forest walk ends with the arrival of some very large Indian elephants walking our way. The elephants lower their mighty backs, down onto their knees. They kneel gracefully, offering an open invitation to further my afternoon journey through Chitwan National Park. With an all aboard smile – the elephants lifts me to great heights – leaning over the basket affixed to this strong and graceful animals back – the forest canopy opens like a parachute – reveling the sanctuary that only the Indian jungle can provide. I think back to those animal meditation cd’s… they were definitely made here. As we pass through the forest – the sounds of birds and monkeys penetrate the silence and mingle with the sounds of mud squishing under the feet of my graceful elephant. The forest opens up to yet another small river – no problem – the elephant slides down the bank – and into the ride with ease. More than two meters in the water – the elephant drinks and plays for a bit and almost steps on a waiting crocodile – the animals don’t even notice each other – and as we exit the river the crocodile continues to scower the horizon in search of pretty while bathing in the subtle rays of the setting Nepal sun.
That night I return to my very tiny cottage – a mere 5 meter square hut. With no electricity after 6 pm – I read by candle light and turn to one of my new past times. Chess. I know.. nerdy right? It is a great mind game – and the strategy to beat the computer is tougher than you think. Grande Master Dell usually gets the better of me – but according to the very efficient record keeping – I win 36 % of the time.
I wake up the next morning and set out on a nature walk to kill some time before my flight. As I walk down the dirt road in the middle of a jungle I stop to watch some little ones playing. By now… the whole family is outside watching we – bathing me in their friendly smile. The eldest son and I begin the normal Nepal conversation. Where are you from? How long in Nepal? I always have to tell people I am from California because that seems to be a good central geography point. Then the next question – I haven’t heard this one yet.. – ‘You want to try some Nepali wine?’ So, we post up on the porch – open a bottle of San Miguel Beer – that is somehow filled with local wine made on site by my wonderful Nepali host. The verdict - Not great… not horrible. It was so so. They share their lives with me and next thing I know it is 1:30 and my flight leaves at 2:15. Shit!!! Another missed flight. I race back to the lodge – my driver is there patiently waiting – I apologize for being 30 minutes late and we take off down the dirt road. But wait.. we are going away from the airport. Maybe this is the quick way? Nope. Jeep stops. My driver gets out – 6 people cram into the back of our Jeep and my driver tosses the keys to an old guy who then gives my driver a wad of Nepal Rupees. My driver waives goodbye and walks into the jungle. WTF!!!! What just happened? Anyway – I point to my wrist and tell the guy that we have to get to the airport. Of course… - ‘No problem he responds!” We go back into the jungle – through unknown neighborhoods, down dirt roads, through a farm – wait…wait… 4 people just got out. Nope… now 3 just got back on. Finally we come to a paved road. I recognize it… we are now on the way to the airport. Weaving in and out of traffic we carouse the interstate. We stop – 3 people get out – 2 get on. We stop again…. Same story. I have 15 minutes left until my flight leaves. Boom – we arrive at the airport. I calmly walk in hand my ticket and $2 to the ticket agent for my departure tax. He takes my bag – gives me a ticket. I go through the magic curtain – aka security. Army officer looks at me and stamps my ticket. No pat down – nada. Plane shows up 5 minutes later and off I go – returning to Kathmandu.

Istanbul Bull - RECAP

Airport news...
After 2 missed flights in Russia.. I thought I would try for 3 times the charm in Istanbul. Kidding... I got here almost 2.5 hours ahead of time and my flight is delayed 2 hours... I might miss my connection to nepal... we will see....

Cultural notes...
Guys carry the girls handbags here! Women - will not smile at you. Turkish guys... are not timid. Everyone wants to know your story. Prostitution is legal here... I am going to blog about prostitution... In a separate entry.

The turkish business model of having a 4 m cube in which you sell the exect same thing as the 5 other stalls that surround you. Perhaps it is the extreme speciality of a stall that sells nothing but rubber wheels, safron, or kebaps. But they make it. And they show up each and every day. And they are happy. The religion and cultural values here are certainly Islam.. but Islam of a different right. I would say that about half of the women wear some type of head scarf and approximately 10 or 15 percent done the conservative muslim burka. Faith is certainly a part of life for the people of Istanbul - but so is eating, drinking, and partying.

ISTANBUL...
What an amazing city. By far.. my most favorite of the 9 countries I have visited so far. Amazingly romantic, old, boutique, and rich with history, culture, and diversity. The skyline crowned by minerets, roof top patios, and beautiful domes and surrounded by water in a Mediterranean climate... the skyline is absolutely beautiful.

Good food, affordable, and great weather. Loving it!!!

Yesterday was a memorable experience. I begin my day at the spice market - wandering the narrow alley ways in search of....absolutely nothing. Well, perhaps something - such as a new smell, a new color, a new friend. A new experience. Istanbul is home to the largest open air market / bazzaar in the world. The spice market is full of exotic spices, piled high with glaring colors... reds, yellows, purples, and greens. Turkish, Arabic, and myrid other languages float effortlessy through the warm fall air as the bustle of people bargaining, browsing, and experiencing the every day life of an average turk come to fruition. Not only the language, but there are so many other sounds. For example, 5 times per day the loudspeakers come alive breaking the silence of the narrow alley ways and hustle and bustle of the spice market and Grand Bazzaar. The arab world has always amazed me. There is something so exotic and so different. The call to prayer is truly beautiful and you can hear the devotion, passion, love, and dedication of the Imam's voice in each carefully articulated note. It is not something that cannot be explained... it has to be experienced.

There seems to be some strife between the Turkish world and Arab world. The Turkish people are like an open book - very approachable, curious, and friendly. The Arab people think that the Turkish are too Liberal andthe Turkish think the many Arabs are too conservative. I never got to have a deep and meaningful conversation... but there seemed to be some slight undertones.


The Turkish people are so friendly and each and everynight I made a new friend. The first night was Wissam - a 30 year old guy from Baghdad. He was an amazing fellow and we talked politics, religion, life, opportunity, foreign affairs, the economy, etc... The things that I learned about what is really going on in Iraq are saddening. You would think with all of the news media we would get some form of the real story... and we do. But, far too many fail to critically think or carry out a full analysis of the 'real story'. The US has created a very tough life for the Iraqi people, no jobs, the infastructure is coming back... but still tons of violence and poverty everywhere.

Friday night was my final night in Istanbul. I began the evening with a leisuring dinner at 360 Restaurant. No sign, no advertising, nothing outside of the building. I saw some people coming out, I heard music, and after 8 fights of stairs and a candle shrouded curving staircase I walked into one of the most amazing places I have seen. Think the Sky Bar in Los Angeles or the Gansevoort in New York City. But even better. Check out the link: http://www.360istanbul.com/flash.html


They had a beautiful black girl singing blues... soft, smooth, sexy voice. And then the silk curtains come down from the cieling and the acrobats walk out. Cirque du Soleil in Istanbul? Not quite.. but close. Suspended 25 feet above the restaurant floor, and supported by long, flowing fabric - twists and turns abound. Dinner and and show... but it gets even better. This restaurant over looks all of Istanbul and the minute the acrobats finished.... one of the most impressive lighting storms I have ever witnessed takes the city by storm. And.. I have a birds eye view of it all - towering over the entire city - The entire restaurant turns quiet and then the oohs and aahs begin. I savor each and every drop of my Italian wine and let the Tom Kha Gai soup linger... The city is ablaze with light - reflections bounce off minaret of the blue mosque - the blueish green waters of the Bospherous - and the infamous Tower of Galata. And a roaring rain storm pelts the floor to cieling windows.

It gets better... we live in a small world. I mean.. I have met people all over the world and you can usually form some connection. Same country - same state... but how about same city and a high school less than 10 miles away? Behind me are 3 girls... stop it... I didn't even to try pick up on them. I swear. Anyways.. there are these 3 girls behing me speaking english. So I have to ask - where they are from. London, they reply. But they have no accent - so out comes the truth. Colorado, Idaho, and Nevada. Really.. where in Nevada. Reno! Seriously? What high school? Reed High School? Seriously? How old are you? Do you know...? What are the odds? Crazy!!! We say our goodbyes and they take their table.

I sit alone. The stark white and freshly starched table cloth rubs my hand as I gently swirl my wine and think...and I become aware. I am the only single diner in this entire place. Everyone is coupled off - the soft glow of the red candles illuminating their expressions... their smiles, their intense gaze into their partners eyes. It was something very romantic... maybe even mystical. Sitting atop a city wth an amazing amount of history - the gateway to the east - and home to 3 of the worlds most famous civilizations.

And then as he lightning storm comes to a close Hasan - a worker at my hotel shows up at 360 and tells me - "you are coming with me". Hasan is a super cool guy - young, fun, hip and Turkish. I went out with him and 3 of his Turkish friends. And we went to a "REAL" Hip Hop club. Please not the italics... it was cool. Good music.. people in thugged out clothes, girls grinding all over the dance floor... not what you think. You touch a good turkish girl and you die! Seriously... they are off limits big time. After 3 hours of hip hop.. we have enough. They ask me if I want to go somewhere fun... and of course - I oblige. It is all about the experience right! 10 minutes later and 5 flights of stairs we are again at the top of a building and we walk into thumping house music and a room ablaze with lazer lights. Tons of beautiful guys, girls, and well... wait a second. She looks like a guy... but is dressed like a girl... and she is way to tall to be a girl... Hasan looks over at me and smiles... "can you tell the difference?' We have a big laugh.. .and after a few beers and some playful flirting I retire to my room at 5 am and fall asleep watching the highlights of the Real Madrid football team.

I spend Sunday at the Salvador Dali exposition.. Dali is amazing!
I know his works well from living in Madrid and I still tear up at how beautiful and amazing his paintings are. So far ahead of his time... and it seems that so many artists are. That is what realism andpost moderism are about right? Going somewhere that we have never been. Setting the tone for exploration and interpretion. Is that really what an artist is? A progressive thinker?

Bailout Plan

It passed and I feel strongly against it. I think it is horrible for the US economy and essentially the global economy as a whole. This is what MOST people don't know - rather than go on a diatribe about what a bad idea the bailout plan is... I will let the stats speak for themselves

Current inflation rate in the US is 5.4 %
The government needs to sell hundreds of billions of dollars in bonds to finance this bailout (i.e. - they don't have the $$$$$)
The economy is already over-leveraged and if they the FED cuts interest rates investors will take their money elsewhere
If they cut interest rates inflation will also go up
The bailout is likely to cost every American up to $2,300
The US has more than 1,000 billionaires. More than anywhere in the world
CEO compensation increased more than 20 % in 2007
Average corporate revenues increased less than 3 %
The average CEO made 10.8 million dollars last year
The President of the USA makes $400,000 a year

Source: Economic Research Institute

Also the Sarbanese Oxley Act - which was a rush to judgment over accounting discrepencies in the Enron scandal is partly to blame for this melt down.

That's all.

Confession

With one month of traveling under my belt it is time to reflect.

I begin this trip with a few goals and intentions. I wanted to grow. I wanted to experience new things, emotions, and encounter difficulty. I wanted a challenge and I wanted to change the way that I think. I wanted to strive for self actualization and become a better person. It has always been a goal of mine to make a difference in the lives of others. To touch those who I come in contact with and hopefully leave them with as much as I take from them. I think I approach life from 2 distinct ideals. One of existentialism in which I believe that individuals create the meaning and essence of their lives, and that this essence follows from their existence and experiences. The second, Postmoderism which sets the impetus for uncapped growth and understanding as each experience will change me or influence me and essentially leaves an individual with a forward thinking view of his (sic) experiences.

I thought traveling the world alone would afford me time to think - time to experience life without the stress of the financial market. I truly realized how much I identified with my job. My job was my life. And I want to ask you - yes you - is your job your life? When people ask about you... what do you say? Do you tell them - I AM A DESIGNER? I AM A BANKER? Or do you tell them that you are good person who cares about saving the world, global warming, or perhaps making a difference in the lives of those who need it most. This post isn't about jobs, careers, or our identity. But it is about mattering and taking time to reflect.

Early in my graduate studies... I remember reading a psychological theory - The Theory of Marginality & Mattering. I can still remember sitting in class and thinking.. this theory actually makes sense. It is real... no past, no future, not even really psychology. Just common sense. In essence.. the theory goes like this.

When people begin a new experience they can feel uneasy about their ability and what their role is or should be in that experience. Marginality equates not fitting in. Marginality results in self-consciousness. Self-consciousness results in the inability to perform up to one’s capabilities. When people believe that they matter to someone else elements of marginality diminish. Students succeed when they are appreciated by others and receive positive attention. Mattering includes:
Attention: being noticed
Importance: believing one is cared about
Ego Extension: belief that someone else will be proud of successes or sympathize with failures
Dependence: being needed
Appreciation: feeling that one’s efforts are appreciated by others

And I just noticed... I am alone. Me and my computer. Me... and the internet. Me.. and a foreign city in a foreign land, with a foreign language...No one knows me, no one really cares about me and I matter very little. In an oxymoronic way... that is powerful. Very powerful. Right now... I am me. Really... me. Not an investment banker. Not a baseball player. Not a student... And for the first time in my life - I have no identity. No one to impress. No one to tell about all of my great accomplishments and the epiphany comes that it really doesn't matter. Why would it? People only respect your accomplishments and your actions. That respect may or may not transcend onto you personally. There are plenty of people I respect - but I still dislike them. Everyone has told me - 'I cannot believe you are doing this. I could never do this.' Why? Why couldn't you? A job? A boyfriend or girlfriend? Your parents? My point being... there is always going to be an obstacle - a road block in life. Always... tell me when there wasn't? Is it our identity and our place in the world that keeps us solidified to our careers, lifestyles, and expectations of others? Is it the hegemonic grip of society? Your belief systems? Fear? What is it? What keeps us from new experiences? What makes us truly angry? What makes us frustrated? I think two distinct things stand out.

Fear.. and Ego. Maybe hunger and agression as well. I have been frustrated during my trip with language and communication. The truth is - i have been very unaware of how I was responding. Jen - one of my best friends - called me out. And she said.. 51 countries... Turner... WTF. She is right. I am not frustrated or angry with language or not being able to communicate. I am frustrated with me.. - 'Why don't I know Russian? Am I stupid? Can I say this differenty so they understand? - Ego responses that are about me.

What happens if I actually miss my flight? Oh no.. I cannot spend another day here. I am lost in a taxi with a crazy cabbie. - Fear.

And then I get angry - Agression. In an attempt to supress the fear - I puff up - blow of some steam and equalibrium comes rushing back. I get to the airport. I get another flight... and now a new country.

Not sure where the psychology digression came from - but what I really wanted to say is this trip has been lonely. And it has made me realize just how important relationships are. Relationships with yourself. With awareness. With learning and with patience. Most importantly... I have realized that I do not need to fly 7500 miles away from home to be a better person or to become more aware. This trip is not a pilgrimage of Nolando - although that was my intention. Honestly, it is turning out to be a lengthly vacation with countless experiences and realizations.

Un Edited.. raw and real.

And Istanbul rocks by the way... It is warm, beautiful, and diverse.
More on Istanbul in the next blog.

"When you meet someone better than yourself, turn your thoughts to becoming his equal. When you meet someone not as good as you are, look within and examine your own self. "
CONFUCIOUS

F ING RUSSIA... DIATRIBE

F ING RUSSIA

I hate it. Hate it.. Hate it. 51 Countries.. all over the world and never have I been as frustrated as I am in Russia. NEVER!!!
I woke up this morning and decided to give myself almost 4 hours for my international flight. Plenty of time.. figure 1 hour to get to the airport - maybe 1.5 hours with traffic… still plenty of time to pass customs, passport control, and security. WRONG. That would be far too simple. Do you know why? Because I am in Russia.
The Moscow metro is beautiful, efficient, convenient, and goes everywhere. Stalin wanted palices underground and he certainly created them. I walk out of my hotel, say goodbye to Red Square and hop on the Red line. The Red Line for one stop then off and onto to the Grey Line at the Library and then the Gray Line to the Train Station. Catch a 30 minute train to the airport. Piece of cake. WRONG AGAIN. Why? All together now.. because this is Russia.
I arrived at the train station at 11:10. Next train was 12:55. Why do you build an express train to the airport that only comes every 1.5 hours? My flight was at 1:40. So… I grab a cab. As always… I get fucked because I am a foreigner… 3000 Ruples. $120 USD… try again. Ok.. Ok.. 2000 Ruples. 1500 ruples… 1300 Ruples. We finally agree on 1000 Ruples. $40 USD. Moscow is ungodly expensive – maybe even more than London or Tokyo. $40 for breakfast at the hotel. $28 for 24 hours of WIFI. $9 for a Mocha at Starbucks. Sometimes when you travel you expect it…but not like this. My bill at TGI Fridays for 2 cocktails and a beer was $40 USD.
So me and my chain smoking cabbie – he effectively and efficiently finished the whole pack on the way to the airport – jam down the main roads – onto the freeway… Back into the LADA I go. And we are off to the airport… at 11:15. 2.5 hours later… yes… really. 2.5 hours FUCKING LATER… I arrive at the Moscow airport at 1:30. Cab driver drove on the sidewalk, down alleys, through a park on a pedestrian trial… Yeah… I did pay $40 USD but that is the price… this was the time I did not want the scenic route. My flight leaves at 1:40. Traffic was crazy – as always in Russia – the guy had no clue where he was going. We got lost twice… got in a screaming match – he in Russian – me in English. I am sure he did not understand any of my profanity… I cussed him out good though… Nolando style. I felt better… if only for a little bit. I am laughing now… as I edit this.. but I was so angry.

Never the less I miss my flight. No problem.. I have an open ticket… I will just get the next flight. With an around the world ticket I can change dates, and times for free so no big deal. But.. I am in Russia. Moscow international airport… they have to speak English right. Have to!!! And they do.. but they cannot fix my ticket. I am flying Turkish airlines to Istanbul and they tell me to go and see DELTA??? WTF??? DELTA. No.. Delta is not even part of Star Alliance. By now… I am screaming at everyone.. so frustrated!!! They tell me to call United. HOW. I have no fucking cell phone. Ok… maybe WIFI. Yeah.. I will get on the internet. That is simple.. enter a credit card.. and off I go to cyber space. FUCKING WRONG AGAIN!!! In order to use WIFI you have to read Russian. No.. wait…, here is one in English. All I have to do is send an SMS from the cell phone that I don’t have and then they send me back a password. Finally after 2 hours of fighting with Turkish airways I convince the ticket agent to call her manager… She thinks she can help me. Tells me to wait an hour – 2 beers and some scotch later.,. I come back. 30 minutes of entering the exact same thing 20 times....she cannot figure out the computer. And she tells me to go and check in and they will fix it.
Tourism in Russian sucks – If you speak English. The people are nice, they smile, I think they try to help… but we just do not understand each other. The country, landscape, architecture is absolutely beautiful but Russia is not the place to come and see and explore. I have met some wonderful people here (Anna, Olga, Walter, and Vladimir – and I have learned so much about their country, customs, arts..) Russia is actually fun. People drink, party, they are very very intelligent, stylish, and worldly. But…If you get lost… you are fucked. If you need to go somewhere and have a question.. your fucked. But, the Russians would be miserable in the USA if they did not speak English too… so maybe all is the same. After all, I am a guest in their country and during Soviet times, they were not even allowed to learn English.

Maybe I have had 2 really bad experiences.. but nothing is organized, traffic sucks, trains are not convenient to the airport, everything is in Russian and perhaps 10 % of the population speaks English. Most of the younger people do… but I felt like I was lost in translation.. more than once. I do not care where I have to fly to tonight… but if I spend another day in Russia I will drink every drop of VODKA in this country. I swear!!!
Now… 2 hours later I have a ticket to Istanbul. Check in is a breeze – hot custom officer gives me the eye – studies my passport – and I am on my way. Browsing the duty free shops I think about how good that € 99 Johnny Walker Blue would taste.. Maybe grab a few Cubans… puff away…But I pass and settle for a € 9 bottle of Bailey’s that I will sneak onto the plane and drink in the bathroom (seriously… I probably won’t.. but I thought about it). I then head to the Irish Pub – which of course has no Guinness – why? Because we are in Russia. So I settle for some cheap Russian beer – settle in for the latest episode of Scooby Doo – nope… I cannot understand a word.. why? Cause it is in Russian. I smile and giggle like a school girl and people look at me wierd… I know this episode… you know… the one with the ape? And I reminisce about Las Vegas Halloween parties and Napoleon Dynamite. If we go as the cast of Scooby Doo we will own any club. I think to myself… I kind of look like Fred… Betty looks like Welma –jen could totally be Daffny….I I finish my beer – head to Turkish airlines, get patted down, frisked, they go through my bag – smile at the Bailey’s and then have a 5 minute conversation about a some of the tools I brought so I can tighten my braces… finally I am free to go. Now I am sitting next to some super stylish Turkish guy with horrible B.O. and gthere are crying kids all around and everyone is smoking.
Off to Warm weather, the land of Kebabs, Islam, and who knows what else. But you want to know the best part… It is not Russia.

Bailout & Economy

Got out just in time...
Wachovia Bank will fail today and will follow in the footsteps of many others such as Bear Stearns and WAMU. This is really only the beginning of the bottom and we still have a ways to go. Bank of America, JP Morgan Chase, Wells Fargo, and Citigroup will probably be the only one's to survive.

Why am I blogging about finances - especially when i am no longer connected to Wall St? Good question... I am not sure either - but I feel that I have to. I am passionate about the world, about how it works, and unfortunately most everything in the world works through money.

Here I sit at Royal Meridien National Hotel - staring at the spires in Red Square. Watching the street as thousands of faces pass by in front of me. I watch the Mercedes, the Audi, BMW, and Masseratti drive by - I see the designer cloths of Dior, Prada, Zara, and Hugo Boss. The Russians have an amazing life... and many are living what we (as Americans) would call "The American Dream". Russia's new found wealth is the result of the fall of the Soviet Union and the creation of the Russian Federation. Capitalism and a free market are the keys to financial success and increased standards of living the world over. BUT... all of this comes at a cost. The fallacy of money and what money truly is. How it is measured? How is it valued? How is it maintained? And most importantly - how is it transferred from Wall St to Main St?

The answer... Leverage. Nothing in life comes for free... everything has a price. In economics we call this Opportunity Cost. If you want to be in love - you will sacrifice some of your freedom. If you want reap the fruit of financial success you will compromise your time and work long hours. The danger in leverage... there will always come a point in which it is realized, materialized, and collateralized. That point in the US economy is now. And the point is a sharp one and it is going to hurt. And once we get the point... history is certain to repeat itself.

The interesting part about economics is called the invisible hand... which is really the psychology that drives the market. The US goverment, federal reserve, and treasury is attempting to sway the psychology by investing huge amounts of capital into the us economy to stave off a depression or recession. In my opinion, it will not work. Banks, by law, are allowed to leverage themselves at a 10:1 ratio. Meaning that 90 % of everything a bank does is credit - with your money or the money of someone else (usually an overseas investor).

Now.. there is no more money. We have 2 options.. we print more money (which is horrible - because it will cause a huge spike in inflation). We borrow more money (which is how we got into this mess in the first place). We cannot borrow any more money - in the banking world reputation is everything. If you overpromise and underdeliver - you are through. And the US has done just that.

The Bail Out
So... the US government is going to give 700 Billion dollars. We - the US taxpayers will ultimately pay for this and suffer a lower quality of life and much more difficult and restrained credit experience as a result. Moreoever, the bailout will only work for a time.. it is a short term sollution to a very long term problem.

Things that really need to be known
FDIC needs to be bailed out - when banks fail - FDIC is on the hook for deposits
Two large investment banks becoming banks (Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley) means that the people invested there were protected to 500 thousand and now only get 100,000 protection. Also... keep in mind Paulson used to be big boy at Goldman Sachs.. he is saving their reputation... they are in far worse shape than anyone knows.

And the housing debacle... check out these statistics...
20 Billion dollars in default debt in the state of California. Per Month
50 Billion dollars in default debt across the rest of the US. Per month.
Expected default in the us of 1 trillion dollars in the next 2 years.
It is estimated that 10 million + homes have negative equity or are upside down.
This is expected to hit about 12.7 million by next summer.
The state of California accounts for about 40 % of the dollar volume for the enture USA

There are potentially 7 trillion dollars in alt a / questionable loans that are outstanding. The bailout package is for 700 billion. A weeeee bi short.
Most of these loans will not be modified and even those loans that are modified - about 30-40 % eventually end up in default again.

We can throw all of the money in the world at this problem - but in the end - banks will take care of themselves, their assets, and their shareholders. The bailout goes to Wall St - beacuase if Wall St fails... the World fails.

ST Petersburg - II

Yesterday was actually a great day. I saw almost all of the sights of St Petersburg and it is truly an amazing city. Undeniably beautiful, old, romantic…the city is crisscrossed by several canals – and it is called by some the Venice of the North. No, no gondolas but hoards of tourist boats. The interesting thing – is not much has changed. There are very few new buildings here. The highest building is 5 stories – since nothing can be taller than the old royal palace. No modern hotels or sky scrapers, no intricate glass and steel – just basic concrete block design with some modern interior touches.
Day 3 was the Hermitage Museum.. think the Met in New York or the Louvre in Paris. It was that good and that beautiful. See the posted pics… the artwork and the building in and of itself were amazing.


Some interesting things about St Petersburg..
· You can drink on the street – but not in a park.
· You can park your car on the sidewalk – if you so desire
· Your dog can poop on the street and you do not have to clean it up
· The metro is 17 ruples - just over $.50
· Cabs… you just stick your arm out and random cars stop. You negotiate a price and if you like the car, driver, and price – you go.
· Boys carry the girls handbags – often. This must be a northern European thing… (no word on whether their testicles are inside)
· They receive about 60 days of sun per year – the rest of the time is cloudy or rainy


St Petersburg is a very artsy city. Tons of café’s, bookstores, museums, art, culture, music… the majority of the people are very intelligent. The women are absolutely beautiful – the men… not so cute. If I could only speak Russian I might have some game…
It is interesting because the middle class in Russia is just starting to come to power. There is an immense wealth here due to the natural gas and oil and you see the top of the line Audi, BMW, and Mercedes cars everywhere. I also saw quite a few Hummers.